Semenyo seals stunning Bournemouth win to add to Manchester United misery | Premier League

After mid-morning wind and rain that might have caused Noah a problem, the skies cleared and Bournemouth took apart a Manchester United as amateurish as any of the iterations of the past decade or so.

Ruben Amorim’s men could not defend, retain the ball, or finish. So in these three fundamentals they failed, to leave their head coach appearing hapless and isolated.

It is a fate familiar to all who have occupied the Old Trafford hotseat during this post-Sir Alex Ferguson era.

There was a high comedic element, too. Before kick-off United were drilled by Carlos Fernandes in defending set-pieces. During the game Amorim left the technical area to allow his assistant manager to oversee these. Yet – hilariously – Dean Huijsen’s opener derived from a free-kick at which he was left unmarked, the defender’s goal kickstarting the Cherries to a repeat of last term’s 3-0 win here.

Amorim has cited how the “storm will come” during his nascent tenure. Well, after his baffling selection at Tottenham that gave up the initiative by resting key players and ended in Carabao Cup knockout, a squall, at least, may be impending following this dire performance.

One popular argument is that the 39-year-old does not have the squad yet for his 3-4-3 to function slickly, but if the basics fail, as they did today, this points to poor coaching from Amorim and his staff.

Bournemouth, simply, convinced more in both areas. When Tyrell Malacia padded along the byline, to the right of Kepa Arrizabalaga’s goal, the defender tied his feet up and Andoni Iraola’s men cleared.

The Spaniard’s first save was a regulation clutch of an optimistic Bruno Fernandes effort from 25 yards away: an emblem of United’s flatness. The captain and Amad Diallo were today’s twin No 10s and the latter roved about as much as the former likes to, cutting paths left from his designated right-sided zone.

Joshua Zirkzee was a No 9 starved of a chance to pull the trigger. Manuel Ugarte launched the ball towards him, bearings were lost, and it pinged off a shoulder, the wind perhaps meddling with the flight.

There was no excuse for Bournemouth’s opener. Ryan Christie’s floated free-kick from the right dropped onto Huijsen’s head and he flicked beyond André Onana. Zirkzee, the designated marker, watched on criminally, as indicated by his head coach’s disgust.

This made it a sixth game in-a-row United had conceded first. A second nearly followed when Evanilson let fly from the edge of the area: Onana, diving, repelled but pushed the ball out straight, not sideways, and Bournemouth rued having no-one on the follow-up.

United’s plague of quality deficit continued. Diallo teed up his captain and Fernandes, near the penalty spot, scuffed wide. Moments later, Kobbie Mainoo released the same player and Arrizabalaga palmed a snapshot away. At a Diallo corner on the right Huijsen’s header cleared in a thicket of bodies.

Amorim, needing to shake his side up, replaced Malacia with Leny Yoro for the second half. But, the status quo remained. Zirkzee shirked a 50-50 with Milos Kerkez that had Amorim spinning in frustration. Then, Onana’s indecisiveness caused a scare that featured Evanilson pilfering the ball and turning in a cross those in red scrambled to stymie.

Amorim acted again. Alejandro Garnacho and Rasmus Højlund came on for Ugarte and Zirzkee, Fernandes shifting back to operate with Mainoo in United’s engine room. The Portuguese hoped this would awake his stuttering men.

Instead, it backfired. In United’s area Justin Kluivert ghosted past Noussair Mazraoui, the defender, sluggish, scythed the Dutchman down, and Craig Pawson had an easy decision despite the inevitable protests to the referee.

Kluivert converted the penalty and United plummeted further. Amorim has previously bewailed his charges ceding the ball and the Cherries’ third derived from this. Mainoo was the culprit, near halfway. Suddenly those in white swept the ball left to Evanilson who fed Dango Ouattara. His pull-back was precise and Antoine Semenyo rammed home.

Garnacho summed up United’s dismal offering by racing clear and dribbling a weak shot. Marcus Rashford, despite being excluded again from the matchday squad due to “selection”, was reportedly here, and would have backed himself doing better.

At the close the PA announcer wished a “merry christmas” to all. For Amorim, it will not feel too cheery, at the moment.